Hello everyone!
I hope you're all having a wonderful weekend...
Thought I'd give you an update as there's been quite a lot been going on this past few weeks. Unfortunately, one of my rats Pumpkin had to go today. The local vets were closed so she had to endure a 25 minute drive wrapped in a towel. After speaking to the vet over the phone yesterday, the problem was what he expected. An infection of the uterus. She was losing blood and was incredibly lethargic. I actually wondered if she'd developed M.E. !!! She didn't appear to be in any pain but she was very weak and had lost quite a lot of weight. She was meant to be going in tomorrow but I felt another day was just too much for her.
Here's a picture of her in the car on the way to the vets this morning, I felt she knew what was going to happen and I'm just glad she spent the last 3 months of her life in a loving home rather than in a pet shop. She was prone to stress and developed scabs over her eyes which disappeared after a week of living here. She will be buried in North Wales like the others wrapped in 1 of my hooded tops. It's always a hard time visiting my Grandad physically with the journey but it's for a good cause...
RIP Pumpkin xxx
She could also have had a small tumour which would have been impossible to find without operating which she clearly wasn't ready for. It brings me onto the next subject which is my other rat Daisy, she had a tumour removed from her throat just a couple of weeks before. She and Pumpkin developed a real bond which was nice to see.
Moving on...
I've been very up and down physically, mentally I've been fine though it doesn't help seeing the headlines in this weeks papers indicating that M.E. sufferers fear exercise. FEAR?! I've been going to the gym since I was 14 years old and became a fully qualified personal trainer. Why on earth would I be scared of going to the gym? I can't physically handle it anymore and for the past 2 years have been trying to find out ways I can incorporate some exercise without worsening my M.E. symptoms! The sad thing is that people believe what they read in the newspapers... it's an ongoing battle but we won't be defeated! I even bought some kettle bells the other day so I could try something new, I wouldn't have been seen dead with the pink ones a couple of years back but now it would be an achievement to get through a workout with them... However I did have my mum in mind when I bought them, I've started her on a diet and she'll be using these very soon... She's lost 3lbs in her first week so it's working!
I've started her (and myself) on the juices. Only 1 a day though as I firmly believe you need lots of solid foods in your daily diet... the juice is very tasty though!
Anyway, mornings have been very hard for me recently. I've been waking up in quite a bit of pain that worsens if I get up and do my stuff like making breakfast and having a shower. I like to keep clean but showering is a real chore and I need a fair amount of rest after having 1. It's been recommended that I purchase a shower stool but my bath is too small so it's not possible. The mornings aren't helped by having 5 cats waiting for me as soon as I enter the kitchen...
I am actually thinking of coming off my painkillers altogether because they just don't seem to be working. I've been on them for a while and I'm on a high dose. I'm experiencing side effects too so I don't think they'd be too much of a loss...I'm also thinking of changing my doctor because as nice as she is, she admits that she doesn't really have a clue about what M.E. is and I've heard a few people recommend a good doctor at another surgery local to me so that's the next step...
There's also a lot going on with the renewal of my ESA benefits which I don't really like to talk about but I do just to show how hard they make it and basically to put to bed any doubts about whether I'm "faking" it or not.
I've seen the Welfare Rights team and I learned a lot. I won't go into it but my "adviser" at WRAG (Work-related assessment group) could be in a bit of trouble as 1) she told me I couldn't have anyone go to the appointments with me and 2) she totally dismissed a factual report from the hospital telling her I couldn't participate in any activities. Just to add salt to the wounds, she's told me that it's mandatory I attend a "psychological motivational course". How insulting is that?! This is where my local MP is getting involved... it's been needless stress but it's getting sorted.
What else? My book! Wow time is flying... I am making progress but because my health has been up and down it's been hard to be consistent with my writing. I've also discovered a new word... "voxpopping". Basically I've been invited to go and ask the public in the city for their thoughts and blessings. I'm not entirely sure myself but it's something I'm interested in as it's helping to raise awareness. It'll be a little nerve wracking because I'm not the most social guy but then why not?!
I'm also going to a social gathering for a friends birthday, there's going to be a lot there so it's a big deal for me. A few months back I would have said no but I'm determined that I push myself that bit further this year to do more... let's see what my body's capable of and if I've made much progress!
There's lots of little things in the pipeline but as my head has gone very foggy I'll leave the post here. There were a few more pics but I'll share them another time.
Barry x
